IT'S BABY TIME!!
Well my oh my... It's been quite a long time since I updated this here blog! And man, a lot has happened since the last post! Garrett and I were going about our every day lives: school, work, doing homework and just practicing being married. Fall '13 was such a wonderful semester for the both of us. Garrett was getting involved in his program in school and was really excited about his future occupational opportunities. I was loving my classes and getting excited about my future career options. One day, I can't remember exactly when, (I think it was an ongoing thing actually) I thought again about what exactly I wanted to do with my life. I knew that I could do whatever I set my mind to. But... Now that I was married, sharing my life with my wonderful husband and wanted to be a mother in the future, I needed to sit down and think again about what my priorities were. Garrett and I were taking a marriage and family class together that semester. I remember the day we both looked over at each other in a discussion about families and having children. We had had brief discussions about when we wanted to have kids and agreed that we'd start our family, "In a few years" or "At LEAST my last semester of college." But during that particular class when we looked at each other, I think we both felt prompted that we needed to really decide how important starting a family was to us. We both love kids and were both excited to one day have our very own. But like many others, we were very scared about financial issues, potential health risks that could happen and just the wide world of unknowns that come with becoming parents.
After that day in class, I started to rethink my career goals. I knew I wanted to help people feel better, heal and live life more fully by serving in the medical field. I knew my dream of one day becoming a doctor may not be accomplished in this life. I had plans and dreams of becoming a physicians assistant. As a PA, I could be nearly as useful as a doctor to my patients! But then I started to review my old interest in physical therapy and also looked into our school's nursing program. The nursing program was sounding like a perfect fit! I could get through in around 3 years and graduate when Garrett did. Then, my last semester, I could be pregnant! Being a nurse would work out extremely well with being a mom and spending time with my family and I could administer shots! That's a weird thing too about why I want to be in the medical field. For some reason... I've also thought I would like giving shots or dealing with syringes. Weird, I know:) Garrett and I sat down one night with my white board and wrote out our life goals, both career and other. I went first and he asked me to rate how much I wanted to do all the things I was interested in; 1 being my top pick in a perfect world. From 1 to 4, I said doctor, PA, PT, and a nurse. Then on the other side of the board, he asked me to list the goals I had dealing with our family. Then he asked me to match up both of the sides in the way I thought I could best accomplish both my career goals and our family goals. I realized that the top two/three things were PA and PT (They were kind of tied) and then being a nurse was number 1. We prayed about the decision we had made and for some reason we couldn't pin down, the answer that we both were feeling was that nursing wasn't the right answer.
Nursing had seemed like a perfect fit. I think Heavenly Father knew that I in my heart of hearts, I did not want to be a nurse. I don't have the pure heart of gold like my brother, Ryan, does in his care of others as a CNA and as a future nurse. Garrett and I went to the temple multiple times and the answer I received each time was a loving impression that there was something else that was going to happen and that Heavenly Father would make sure it was all OK. "I will take care of it. Don't worry." was pretty much the answer I got each time. I liked my answer... but at the same time there was no time frame and no way of knowing which career I should really pick!! Well I sure know that Heavenly Father does not work on my time schedule or that I can impose on him the restrictions I desire on how he answers my prayers. And I'm sure thankful for that now.
It was one of those times in the temple that Garrett leaned over to me and asked me if I had been thinking of anything or had any impressions come to me during our time there. I was pretty reluctant to answer him! Tears came down my cheeks and I nodded. I looked at him and he had some tears in his eyes too. I think he felt what I did too. I told him the things that I had been feeling and that I thought that we needed to let Heavenly Father take care of things and put more trust in his plan for us. We decided that I would finish my last few months of birth control medication and then see where things took us as far as our family went. Wow... I can't tell you how amazing it was to finally make a decision and have it feel so right. Little did I know, that that day in the temple and the clear answer I received of, "It's OK. I'll take care of it." was a little different than we both thought...
Just a little bit after that day, we went up to Bountiful to have Thanksgiving with my family. During the previous weeks and days I had been feeling super tired! More fatigued than I had ever felt before. I remember I was at work and at one point in the afternoon and all of the sudden, if I let my head rest against the computer screen, I would fall asleep right away! What?! After I woke up a bit, I remembered that extreme fatigue was one sign of being pregnant... I looked around to see if anyone was close by and sneakily googled a list of common pregnancy signs and my heart sank just a little bit more when I shared a few of the other signs. I thought to myself, "Nope. No way. I'm still taking my birth control." But honestly, being a science major and just learning about pregnancy in a few of my classes, deep, deep down I had a feeling that I was pregnant. After a few days of denying it... I came home and told Garrett my suspicions. He had noticed some of the differences too but hadn't wanted to jump to the final conclusion yet either. We sat there and thought about how crazy that would be if I really was pregnant and brushed it off saying that we would find out in just a couple more weeks if my "monthly gift from mother nature" didn't come.
At my grandma Jane's house for Thanksgiving, Garrett and I sat down with my sister, Lindsay to eat. Even though seconds before I had been ravenous, I started digging into my food to realize that all the sudden it didn't seem so appetizing and I got full really fast. Garrett noticed first but then Lindsay noticed too. Garrett looked at me as if to prompt me to ask Lindsay about what she thought about my "symptoms." She asked me first though. She asked how I had been doing lately and if I was still really tired. I had called her that day at work to freak out a little bit and ask her what she thought. She had told me then there was probably nothing to worry about but to keep her posted. That night though, she asked about any other changes since we had talked last. I think we both realized that I did have some grounds for being worried. She, being the wonderful sister that she is, didn't freak out as much as I was beginning to on the inside. But she got her big sister/mom face on and told me, "Just take a test. If anything, you guys will feel SO much better afterwards!" Garrett and I left my Grandma's house a little bit after talking with Lindsay. Garrett had eaten a little too much too fast and I wasn't feeling too great either so we had a good excuse to run out early! I think we were also preoccupied with the fact that we might just be pregnant.
It was a long drive back down to the good ole Provo. We talked a little bit and played the "What if?" game about our possible pregnancy test results. We got a little bit more quiet/excited/calm/business-like as we walked into the CVS pharmacy. It was pretty funny, Garrett was kind of nervous about going by the pregnancy tests! I walked over and looked at all the different options. Garrett and I laughed and wondered why there were so many different kinds. We looked at the different things different tests promised and I picked up a two pack test. I had heard that you needed to take at least two tests just to be sure on pregnancy results and the pack I got wasn't nearly as expensive as the other fancy tests. I almost felt like hiding the box under my sweater as we walked toward the check out! But lets face it, we were a young couple in Provo, UT. To the observer's eye, it wouldn't be too surprising to see us with a pregnancy test!
When we got home we went right down stairs and sat on our bed. I just sat there and Garrett pulled out his computer after a minute. Haha we were both feeling nervous but I just sat there in my head and Garrett distracted himself by playing Binding of Isaac on his computer (I love how guys and girls react differently:).I realized after a few minutes of just sitting there that I was waiting for something to tell me it was time to take the first test. I don't know why! I stopped waiting and figured the HCG content in my urine wasn't going to change no matter how long I waited! I grabbed one of the tests out of the box and with a deep breath, bounced off the bed and walked into the bathroom. Here's how this scene went down: I hadn't even finished going to the bathroom before I turned back to the counter to get some toilet paper and I saw 2 clear cut, bright pink lines on the pregnancy test. Psh, 3 minutes waiting time for clear results, my toosh!!
I can't really explain what I felt right then. I got up, looked at the test again, and ran back into the bedroom to grab the box. "Maybe I had misread what a positive test result looked like? Maybe positive was one line? I should have bought one of the tests that used a "-" or a "+" sign!" When I got into the room I guess my facial expression and my extremely fast picking up of the box got Garrett's adrenaline running too and he asked me in a worried voice what the test had said. I ran back to the bathroom to check my test again with Garrett right on my heels. He grabbed the box and looked at the test result key. I picked up my test again. He asked to see the test and we both stood in the bathroom quietly for a few moments. I think Garrett was the first one to say something but it was a, "Is this real?" every few seconds. He'd say that and shake his head with a smile and then his face would change as a wave of "What are we going to do?" hit him. I think I was stuck in the second wave.
A few weeks before, I had been going through quite the life struggle as to what I wanted to do with my life. I had made my decision to keep on going toward PA school and felt really good about that. Things had begun to fall in place as far as classes went and clubs went for preparing me for that career. Looking at my test and letting reality sink deep into my skin, I felt like my life plans were crumbling underneath me. I was on THE MOST incredible emotional roller coaster I had ever experienced. The feeling of my crumbling bedrock was ever present but I also went through moments of extreme joy at being pregnant, thinking about how life was going to be, then right back to what Garrett had been feeling too, "What are we going to do?"
We looked at each other and as I started to break down, Garrett grabbed my hand and lead me back into our room. He sat me down on our bed and held me really tightly as I cried. He just rocked me there and kissed my head as I freaked out. I looked up at him and saw the tears in his eyes to. I tried to suck it up and see how he was doing. I could see on his face that he was on a crazy roller coaster too. But like always, he was my rock in a moment where I felt like a baby tree in a hurricane. He smiled and there was my sunshine. We were both pretty freaked out but as he held me there and got me talking, I started to hold onto those beautiful thoughts of starting our family. That isn't to say I didn't fall back into those thoughts of my other plans and dreams breaking down. But I began to feel that this WAS meant to be. That the timing WAS right and that we were going to be wonderfully happy. Heavenly Father did know my potential and did have a plan for me. This was the answer I had been receiving in the temple the entire time. I had been feeling like there were more important things I could do besides being a mother which I know now is so very untrue. I feel extremely humbled that God knew we were ready to take care of one of His beautiful little spirits. Oh! After finding out how far along I really was at 14 weeks, we realized that the answers we received in the temple were given when I was already pregnant. I still smile and laugh a little at the humor in Heavenly Father's answer of, "It's OK. I'll take care of it. Don't worry." He had taken care of "it" weeks before when we hadn't even noticed anything yet. All it took was our willingness to let him guide us and we were wonderfully blessed.
Garrett had bought a two pack of Martinelli's the day before Thanksgiving. I know he says that they were on sale and that's why he bought them, but I think there was something that told him he needed to buy them to celebrate something:) That night after we (or just I) calmed down more, he went to get the bottles and we sat on our bed and shared the bottle. After a second I remembered that I had the second pregnancy test to take. Garrett had me drink the rest of the first bottle so I'd be able to go to the bathroom again faster and it worked! I waited a couple minutes and went to take the next test. Just like the first, the double pink lines didn't take long at all to show up. They were a bit more faded than the first test's were but I had probably diluted it chugging the Martinelli's! I told Garrett to come and check it out the second test. We just stood there looking at both of the tests. I know its a bit strange, but I felt like I needed to save them! Haha, I looked at Garrett and we laughed about both feeling like we needed to have some documented proof of the moment! He pulled out his phone and took a picture of the two tests and we called that good. I couldn't throw them away just yet and we both went back multiple times that night and the next morning to look at them.
The next day, we both should have been studying or getting projects done for school but we couldn't focus on anything other than our news! We were so giddy. We'd look at each other and start smiling like little kids! (We still do!) We spent the whole morning in bed just day dreaming. We finally made breakfast and decided we wanted to go see a movie so we'd get out of the house. It was the cutest thing, the only movie that sounded good to either of us was Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs 2. Our minds were completely on our little one. We only wanted to watch kids movies and Disney movies for the next couple days and all the way up until this very day! We still want to watch our favorite Disney movies and day dream about watching them with our little bub.
So basically... life has been awesome:) I have learned so much in these past few months! Today I am close to 28 weeks along in my pregnancy. So we have just under three months until we get to welcome our little one. Garrett and I have grown closer in ways I don't think we could have without going through this. He is my superman. He gets the bucket for me when I start looking like I'll throw up. He makes sure that we eat something I can handle and watches me to make sure I don't eat too fast or too much. He goes above and beyond to make sure I'm comfortable and stress-free. He surprises me with ice cream trips and fry runs. He makes me feel beautiful and appreciated even when I feel tired, gross and haven't showered for a couple days. Its way better now, but I used to get pretty darn sick after taking showers. But now I can safely get in, get out and dry off after the shower without throwing up!! Its awesome! I also feel like I finally understand where my priorities should be. The question, "What am I going to do with my life?" is getting much easier to answer: I am going to try and be the best mom I possibly can be. That is what I am going to do! I can't wait to be the soccer mom I've always dreamed about. I know that there will be other things that I'll do and accomplish outside of the sphere of motherhood, but I know that my family will always come first. I will strive to make them foremost in my mind whenever I make decisions about my future and about my life so as to never bring my relationship with them into harms way. Heavenly Father will provide a way. I know that now more than ever. I am incredibly thankful for this experience and how it has taught me about faith and has let me see how little faith I had before! I feel closer to my Heavenly Father and heaven than I ever have before. I am holding a heavenly spirit inside me! That is so incredibly amazing and beautiful. I am so blessed.
Before I forget!! We do in fact know what gender our Little Bean is:) As soon as I can, I have some great pictures to show ya'll that will announce our exciting news! Thanks for reading!
At my grandma Jane's house for Thanksgiving, Garrett and I sat down with my sister, Lindsay to eat. Even though seconds before I had been ravenous, I started digging into my food to realize that all the sudden it didn't seem so appetizing and I got full really fast. Garrett noticed first but then Lindsay noticed too. Garrett looked at me as if to prompt me to ask Lindsay about what she thought about my "symptoms." She asked me first though. She asked how I had been doing lately and if I was still really tired. I had called her that day at work to freak out a little bit and ask her what she thought. She had told me then there was probably nothing to worry about but to keep her posted. That night though, she asked about any other changes since we had talked last. I think we both realized that I did have some grounds for being worried. She, being the wonderful sister that she is, didn't freak out as much as I was beginning to on the inside. But she got her big sister/mom face on and told me, "Just take a test. If anything, you guys will feel SO much better afterwards!" Garrett and I left my Grandma's house a little bit after talking with Lindsay. Garrett had eaten a little too much too fast and I wasn't feeling too great either so we had a good excuse to run out early! I think we were also preoccupied with the fact that we might just be pregnant.
It was a long drive back down to the good ole Provo. We talked a little bit and played the "What if?" game about our possible pregnancy test results. We got a little bit more quiet/excited/calm/business-like as we walked into the CVS pharmacy. It was pretty funny, Garrett was kind of nervous about going by the pregnancy tests! I walked over and looked at all the different options. Garrett and I laughed and wondered why there were so many different kinds. We looked at the different things different tests promised and I picked up a two pack test. I had heard that you needed to take at least two tests just to be sure on pregnancy results and the pack I got wasn't nearly as expensive as the other fancy tests. I almost felt like hiding the box under my sweater as we walked toward the check out! But lets face it, we were a young couple in Provo, UT. To the observer's eye, it wouldn't be too surprising to see us with a pregnancy test!
When we got home we went right down stairs and sat on our bed. I just sat there and Garrett pulled out his computer after a minute. Haha we were both feeling nervous but I just sat there in my head and Garrett distracted himself by playing Binding of Isaac on his computer (I love how guys and girls react differently:).I realized after a few minutes of just sitting there that I was waiting for something to tell me it was time to take the first test. I don't know why! I stopped waiting and figured the HCG content in my urine wasn't going to change no matter how long I waited! I grabbed one of the tests out of the box and with a deep breath, bounced off the bed and walked into the bathroom. Here's how this scene went down: I hadn't even finished going to the bathroom before I turned back to the counter to get some toilet paper and I saw 2 clear cut, bright pink lines on the pregnancy test. Psh, 3 minutes waiting time for clear results, my toosh!!
I can't really explain what I felt right then. I got up, looked at the test again, and ran back into the bedroom to grab the box. "Maybe I had misread what a positive test result looked like? Maybe positive was one line? I should have bought one of the tests that used a "-" or a "+" sign!" When I got into the room I guess my facial expression and my extremely fast picking up of the box got Garrett's adrenaline running too and he asked me in a worried voice what the test had said. I ran back to the bathroom to check my test again with Garrett right on my heels. He grabbed the box and looked at the test result key. I picked up my test again. He asked to see the test and we both stood in the bathroom quietly for a few moments. I think Garrett was the first one to say something but it was a, "Is this real?" every few seconds. He'd say that and shake his head with a smile and then his face would change as a wave of "What are we going to do?" hit him. I think I was stuck in the second wave.
A few weeks before, I had been going through quite the life struggle as to what I wanted to do with my life. I had made my decision to keep on going toward PA school and felt really good about that. Things had begun to fall in place as far as classes went and clubs went for preparing me for that career. Looking at my test and letting reality sink deep into my skin, I felt like my life plans were crumbling underneath me. I was on THE MOST incredible emotional roller coaster I had ever experienced. The feeling of my crumbling bedrock was ever present but I also went through moments of extreme joy at being pregnant, thinking about how life was going to be, then right back to what Garrett had been feeling too, "What are we going to do?"
We looked at each other and as I started to break down, Garrett grabbed my hand and lead me back into our room. He sat me down on our bed and held me really tightly as I cried. He just rocked me there and kissed my head as I freaked out. I looked up at him and saw the tears in his eyes to. I tried to suck it up and see how he was doing. I could see on his face that he was on a crazy roller coaster too. But like always, he was my rock in a moment where I felt like a baby tree in a hurricane. He smiled and there was my sunshine. We were both pretty freaked out but as he held me there and got me talking, I started to hold onto those beautiful thoughts of starting our family. That isn't to say I didn't fall back into those thoughts of my other plans and dreams breaking down. But I began to feel that this WAS meant to be. That the timing WAS right and that we were going to be wonderfully happy. Heavenly Father did know my potential and did have a plan for me. This was the answer I had been receiving in the temple the entire time. I had been feeling like there were more important things I could do besides being a mother which I know now is so very untrue. I feel extremely humbled that God knew we were ready to take care of one of His beautiful little spirits. Oh! After finding out how far along I really was at 14 weeks, we realized that the answers we received in the temple were given when I was already pregnant. I still smile and laugh a little at the humor in Heavenly Father's answer of, "It's OK. I'll take care of it. Don't worry." He had taken care of "it" weeks before when we hadn't even noticed anything yet. All it took was our willingness to let him guide us and we were wonderfully blessed.
Garrett had bought a two pack of Martinelli's the day before Thanksgiving. I know he says that they were on sale and that's why he bought them, but I think there was something that told him he needed to buy them to celebrate something:) That night after we (or just I) calmed down more, he went to get the bottles and we sat on our bed and shared the bottle. After a second I remembered that I had the second pregnancy test to take. Garrett had me drink the rest of the first bottle so I'd be able to go to the bathroom again faster and it worked! I waited a couple minutes and went to take the next test. Just like the first, the double pink lines didn't take long at all to show up. They were a bit more faded than the first test's were but I had probably diluted it chugging the Martinelli's! I told Garrett to come and check it out the second test. We just stood there looking at both of the tests. I know its a bit strange, but I felt like I needed to save them! Haha, I looked at Garrett and we laughed about both feeling like we needed to have some documented proof of the moment! He pulled out his phone and took a picture of the two tests and we called that good. I couldn't throw them away just yet and we both went back multiple times that night and the next morning to look at them.
The next day, we both should have been studying or getting projects done for school but we couldn't focus on anything other than our news! We were so giddy. We'd look at each other and start smiling like little kids! (We still do!) We spent the whole morning in bed just day dreaming. We finally made breakfast and decided we wanted to go see a movie so we'd get out of the house. It was the cutest thing, the only movie that sounded good to either of us was Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs 2. Our minds were completely on our little one. We only wanted to watch kids movies and Disney movies for the next couple days and all the way up until this very day! We still want to watch our favorite Disney movies and day dream about watching them with our little bub.
So basically... life has been awesome:) I have learned so much in these past few months! Today I am close to 28 weeks along in my pregnancy. So we have just under three months until we get to welcome our little one. Garrett and I have grown closer in ways I don't think we could have without going through this. He is my superman. He gets the bucket for me when I start looking like I'll throw up. He makes sure that we eat something I can handle and watches me to make sure I don't eat too fast or too much. He goes above and beyond to make sure I'm comfortable and stress-free. He surprises me with ice cream trips and fry runs. He makes me feel beautiful and appreciated even when I feel tired, gross and haven't showered for a couple days. Its way better now, but I used to get pretty darn sick after taking showers. But now I can safely get in, get out and dry off after the shower without throwing up!! Its awesome! I also feel like I finally understand where my priorities should be. The question, "What am I going to do with my life?" is getting much easier to answer: I am going to try and be the best mom I possibly can be. That is what I am going to do! I can't wait to be the soccer mom I've always dreamed about. I know that there will be other things that I'll do and accomplish outside of the sphere of motherhood, but I know that my family will always come first. I will strive to make them foremost in my mind whenever I make decisions about my future and about my life so as to never bring my relationship with them into harms way. Heavenly Father will provide a way. I know that now more than ever. I am incredibly thankful for this experience and how it has taught me about faith and has let me see how little faith I had before! I feel closer to my Heavenly Father and heaven than I ever have before. I am holding a heavenly spirit inside me! That is so incredibly amazing and beautiful. I am so blessed.
Before I forget!! We do in fact know what gender our Little Bean is:) As soon as I can, I have some great pictures to show ya'll that will announce our exciting news! Thanks for reading!
