"I love you."

6. "I love you."

The first kiss with Garrett was nearly the stamp of officiality on our relationship. The weekend after our first kiss I was planning to go back up to Bountiful to visit with my family. The day before I left, Garrett and I had been hanging out, and when he was about to take me home, he paused and asked me, "So should we make this official?" I looked at him to see if he was joking around (he had said in his almost-joking voice)... Psh, It was official! I had kissed him and spent every day with him! I laughed and said yes I would. He told me that he didn't want me to go back home and have my mom think we were just kissing and hanging out. He wanted me to be able to say that we were in a relationship! I was totally fine with that plan.

I had a thought though. Wow... this had happened rather fast... By this time it was around the middle of October. I had been in college for almost 3 months and I already had a boyfriend. I was shocked with myself actually. I admit that there were many times where I wanted to convince myself that I was just caught up in the experience and that I needed to cool the jets with dating Garrett;that I wasn't thinking right, wanting to be his girlfriend so soon. Then, again, I'd feel in my heart that everything was fine. I prayed about it many times. Every time I could feel it, the answer was simply an impression that my Heavenly Father trusted me and my decision. I had to have faith that only if I absolutely shouldn't continue dating Garrett, would my answer be to stop being dating him.

The day that I left to Bountiful Garrett came over to my apartment after his classes to be with me. Something about Garrett that I love is that a lot of the time he doesn't have to tell me how he's feeling. I could tell by the he acted when he came over that he was going to miss me while I was gone for just a few days. I would miss him too! We were most definitely in that Honeymoon stage that everyone talks about when you first start dating. But the interesting thing is is that I still feel that I never want to leave him! I still feel crazy head-over-heels for him! We sat on my living room couch talking and cuddling when, all the sudden, Garrett got up to look around our kitchen. He then asked me if I had ever country danced before. I hadn't. We got out my computer and he taught me how to do the 2-step country dance. We danced around my small apartment kitchen for quiet a while. I was in heaven! I was so twitter-patted with this Texas-boy who I now found out knew how to dance! We were still dancing when some of my roommates came home and noticed what we were doing. I smiled and we both said hi. They thought it was the cutest thing ever. I love my roommates (I'm probably going to say that a lot throughout these entries! They always got so excited for me when things would happen!) They texted me later about how adorable they thought Garrett and I had been and that we looked so in love;)

After a bit we stopped dancing and just hugged for a minute.  When Garrett asked me where my stuff was for going home I finally remembered: I had been so distracted that I hadn't even packed yet! I hurried as fast as I could to pack up my stuff. I got done and sat with Garrett for a little bit more. Both of us still having fun kissing each other and relishing in the newness of it. (Oh wow, this all sounds so sappy! I guess it's just the way these things go. You gotta admit it!) He walked me over to my friends apartment whom I was getting a ride home with and we said our goodbyes. My friend, Heidi, is the friend that was also in the same chemistry class with Garrett and I. We all sat together every day. She had been there from the beginning and had seen the hand-holding and flirting in class. She was awesome though, and didn't mind the PDA. She was always there to listen to whenever I had a relationship or chemistry question! We headed up to Bountiful and I got more and more excited to see my family. Only a little disappointed that I couldn't spend the weekend with Garrett.

When I got home I got to talk with my brother, Eric. I told him about Garrett and asked him what mom and dad would think about all of it. Of course I hadn't kept my parents completely in-the-dark with everything that had been going on, but I also didn't want them to get concerned with the fact that Garrett and I were now officially dating/in a relationship. I was hoping that my brother could help me get better prepared for how to present my parents with the new development! My parents and I could talk about anything and everything really easily. But now that I was in college, for some reason, talking about dating and all that, it wasn't as easy. 

I didn't want to beat around the bush about my dating Garrett, though. I was so happy! I wanted to let them know how happy I was and that they would feel better about how I was dating Garrett. My siblings were happy for me and, even though they teased me about dating so quickly, a couple of them said that they weren't surprised! My parents weren't surprised that I had started dating either, but they were surprised I was in an actual relationship so quickly. My dad and I didn't have the greatest discussion about the whole thing. And for some reason, when I am in a strong "discussion" with my parents, I tend to get emotional at some point - to my dismay... I got on the defensive and anyways, it didn't end super well. I also have a habit of after I get to the emotional point in a discussion, I feel that I need to vacate the premises  I get embarrassed that I got emotional and realize that I am past the point of thinking clearly. So I just left the room. 

My mom, , came down to talk with me. She is amazing. She's the one that will always come to me when I am especially emotional and illogical and she'll deal with it. I tried hard as a teenager to not do that to her or my dad but then that would lead to built up emotions that would eventually burst. She's the only one that could talk me through what was going on and see clearly again. She let me know that she and my dad were just concerned and wanted me to be sure about my decision. He didn't want me to narrow myself and miss out on other important first year college experiences. It was hard. They trusted my judgement but were nervous. The whole thing was frustrating for both of us for our different reasons. Me: I was really happy with my relationship with Garrett, but I could see why my parents were concerned and it made me have doubts about the decision that I had made.  My parents: they trusted me, knew that I was absolutely free to make my own decisions, but didn't want me to seriously date so quickly and miss out on any life experiences I wanted. 

After talking with my mom and feeling like I could talk with my dad without getting mad again, I came back up stairs. We hugged and decided to put the things we weren't happy about aside and just focus on the good things. They did like what they had heard about Garrett and thought that he sounded like a really great guy. I hoped that they would be able to meet him in person and see more of why I had decided to date him.

I had a really good weekend with my family in the end. I got to spend time with my oldest brother and his family before they left so he could finish his medical school rotations. I went back down to Provo, sad to say goodbye to my family. But I was going back to my great roommates and now I was going back to a boyfriend who was really excited to see me! As soon as I got to my apartment and put my bags down, I told Garrett that I was back. He told that he'd be over in just a minute. Alrighty then! I got that lovey-happy feeling. I put some more of my stuff away and went down to the parking lot where Garrett told me he was. He got out of the car and gave me a big hug and sweet kisses. We stayed hugging for a second and he let go so he could open the car door for me. Wait... I had thought he was just coming over to see me! It wasn't super late but late enough that I thought he'd want to get to bed after he came to see me. I told him why I was surprised. He told me that no way, he didn't just want to say when he hadn't seen me for a few days! I very happily got in the car and he told me that he had a surprise for me. (He still loves doing spontaneous surprises and I gotta say, It's probably one of my most favorite things about him!)

We got to his house and he put in a movie. He had remembered me telling him how much I like Lion King and that I hadn't seen it in years. We "watched" the movie (we watched most of it, I promise... just not the whole thing;) and I was reminded again of how much I was smitten with this boy. He had wrapped me up in his arms, eager to hold me again after not being able to for days. I went home that night so in love and feeling so happy. As well as tired.. But that was a small price to pay in order to be with Garrett for as long as possible!

We passed the next weeks just being in love, being with each other every second we could, and learning more about what made each other tick. The routine became either I'd get home, do homework, then go over to Garrett's house, or we'd walk over to his house after we were both done with classes and do as much homework as I wanted to. There was something about him that always had me wanting to be around him. The first few days that I knew him, I felt that 'something' that was so good and magnetic about his spirit. After some weeks of hanging out with Hansen and Angie as well, we started to get in a grove of hanging out with them. The weekly Wednesday bowling nights, Sunday game nights and also the Tuesday girl nights Angie and I started so we could play while the boys went to go play basketball. Things were going really well. School was driving me crazy a little bit, but then Garrett was there to help me calm down and figure things out. So it was all good. 

I think it was about the beginning of November when we went up to Salt Lake to visit Garrett's other older brother, Seth. I know that it was before Thanksgiving. We went up to check out Seth's new house and hang out with him for a little bit. I immediately loved Seth! He was so warm and friendly right off the bat. I felt really comfortable being around him and saw how much Garrett loved his older brother. It was the best when Seth whipped out his guitar and started playing and signing while we were watching some TV. He's a very talented musician who I am excited to see come out with many songs and CD's (One day,Seth Facer, you'll be famous!) All of us decided that we should go get some food. We went to a really good little diner up from Seth's house. It was fun to sit all together chatting and, for me, getting to know Seth more. We went to the store and walked around just for fun, then went back to Seth's to watch the Jazz game. Garrett and I cuddled next to each other as naturally as we had been for the past few weeks while we watched the game. It wasn't until a bit later that I learned that while we were hanging out with Seth, he had noticed how attached I was to Garrett and that I meant business. I wasn't messing around! However, I didn't know it was that obvious... kind of embarrassed that it was! I had thought I had been being sneaky! (now I have learned I am quite deficient in any gene that would make one sneaky...) I didn't want Garrett to get nervous or feel pressured to feel the same way I did about him without it being on his own. That also covered the fact that I couldn't tell him I loved him yet! I wanted him to be the first one to say it. I felt like he wasn't quite there yet... 

We said goodbye to Seth and started back down South to Provo. In the car, Garrett grabbed for my hand and held it the whole way down. He had sat in the front seat because there was only three people in our car - Angie had met us at Seth's house. After thinking about it, it seemed like something had changed that day. I felt like my going up with him to visit Seth, being with his family like that, had changed our relationship a little bit. I had an idea that maybe Garrett's feelings about me had changed a little bit. 

Hansen dropped us off at Garrett's and we went downstairs to watch some TV. We were both tired from a long day so we just sat there content to relax and watch a movie. After a little bit, we started talking about the day. I had told him how much fun I had had. We were cuddled close when I got a sudden idea that I just needed to be out with it: tell him I loved him. "What? No! This is way more serious than asking him to kiss you!! The kissing rule probably extends to declarations of love too!!", was what started to go through my head. I had just turned toward Garrett so our foreheads were touching, and because of my sudden exclamation in my head, I sat there awkwardly not saying anything for a second. My mind went blank! So to fill some time I just kissed him a couple times (Kissing is a great time-filler while you try to decide what to say to someone!) I don't really remember thinking this next part through but it kind of just came out. And with a lot more courage than I had expected, "Guess what, I have a secret", I said quietly. He asked me what it was. I noticed that 'something' that I thought had changed about him earlier that day. I could tell he was thinking about telling me something too. I answered him and told him that he could try and guess what my secret was even though, honestly, I was hurrying to find something else that I could tell him that was "a secret". Before I made up something, he told me that he had a secret too. I looked at him and asked him if I could know what his secret was. And in the best Donald Duck voice I've ever heard, he said "I love you. I love you very, very much!" Alright, to me, that is probably the best way that someone could have told me that they loved me! I had been pretty nervous/anxious, somehow knowing what he was going to say, so laughing helped me feel a lot better. I was extremely happy, but I couldn't get over the fact that Garrett had told me he loved in his Donald Duck voice! I asked him if he really meant it, (something that I just think girls do, It was an automatic question), and in his real, soft voice, he told me that yes, he did love me. He told me that it was different than what I was probably thinking, though. He loved me, yes, but it wasn't a complete love. He was learning to love me each day still. I was totally fine with that. I could finally respond and tell him that I loved him too!! I was also learning to love him more as we got to know each other better and spent more time together. 

It was the best feeling that night, after we kissed and said goodbye, that I could say, "I love you". That night and for most nights after that, Garrett would tell me/text me in Norwegian  "Good night my sweet girl, I love you." I felt as complete as I ever had after we told each other that we loved each other. Whenever Garrett tells me that he loves me now, I still feel it down to my toes. The best moments are those when, out of the blue and spontaneously, he'll just look at me/pull me in for a hug and tell me that he loves me. I live for those moments! 

We were committed to spending time with each other and seeing where things could go. I still didn't think that I was going to get engaged or married anytime soon though the thought had occurred multiple times in my head. Even though the signs were all there, like big orange, blinking road construction signs, I still didn't think it was going to happen. I couldn't comprehend anything coming up though, that would make me want to break up with Garrett. So... I just decided to keep riding the wave! The next part of that wave for Garrett to meet my parents in person. 

Then after that, I needed to invite him to come stay with my family in Bountiful for Thanksgiving..... ;)